I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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