Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
