Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
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drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
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He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????