You're completely useless in the revolution.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
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Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?