Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life