her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.