In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
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is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
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I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.