I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?