So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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