I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize