so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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