I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can feel your judgement through the phone
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
