Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
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Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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