I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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