peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize