so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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