Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Randomize
