I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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