you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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