Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
be right there i have to get my cape
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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