just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
