he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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