seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
