This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
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I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
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Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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