Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
