I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
