I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
