True but thats because hes a fetus.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize