I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
