so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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