her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
