i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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