When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
