i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize