all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
