I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize