dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize