if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
