maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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