i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
