My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
