I smell stomach acid.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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