just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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