I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
