So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
