i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
