the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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