so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize