she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
People with herpes should wear stickers.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
