porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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