5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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