Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
