That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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