she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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