Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
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someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
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Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you made out with another girl for some wings
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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