Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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