New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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