Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
