she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
