I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
