How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Four minutes until I can fart!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
