yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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