Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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