I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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