And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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