She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
