Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
