1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
